


Everything I Need And More (You're My Saving Grace)

by ryekamasaki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Amnesia, First Kiss, Multi, Side Pairing Oikawa Tooru/Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 20:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10044173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryekamasaki/pseuds/ryekamasaki
Summary: The idol group Mask of Halos is a ragtag bunch, a loving family in all the best (and worst) ways. With them all in their early 20s, there's plenty of time to make their mark and rise to fame. Unfortunately, it's while they're on tour that tragedy strikes. Without his memories, Kenma has to pick up the pieces of the interrupted tour, as well as his own life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My HQ Rare Pairs Exchange gift for [Blakka](http://blakkastar.tumblr.com/). I did my best to combine your prompts, I hope you like it!

Oddly enough, the ragtag group of idols that make up _Mask of Halos_ and their crew are the closest thing to family that Kenma can remember having. As it is, it’s been years since he’s spoken to his actual family, the last thing a curt dismissal after he revealed that he would be pursuing his talent at singing rather than continuing on to college, one that still rings harsh and cruel in his ears in some quiet moments. It was one of the reasons that even with how much he liked to be left to his own devices, he still rarely actually liked to be alone. That was okay, though, because they all understood each other fairly well, and it was easy for them all to figure out how they fit together in any of the available combinations.

 

They all had their own stories, though none of them really let much bother them, not since they got together and formed this little band-turned-family. It was really all they needed, and they were content enough to forget the past and live for the present, looking forward to the future, together. That was what _Mask of Halos_ was all about, after all, and Kenma could honestly say that he loved them more than almost anything else in the world, though he didn’t say it aloud very often. They all knew, though. Each of them had their own little ways of showing their affection for the rest of them.

 

Kenma, for his part, was content to spend the time not occupied by shows and practice curled up with one of his boyfriends or (when they had extra practice, which was often) relaxing with the other three idols. Tour days meant they got to laze around most of the day since the show itself would be rigorous enough on its own, and Kenma was pleased to lay across Lev’s lap and try to fill up the Pokedex on his newest Pokemon game. Shouyou chatters at them while he’s laid out on the floor in front of the occupied couch, occasionally pausing to push himself into a sit up before collapsing back to the floor with a huff. Lev hums and converses when Shouyou takes a breath while he runs his long fingers through Kenma’s hair.

 

From outside the bus Kenma can hear giggling, most likely Koushi, and a responding high pitched whine which he knows with certainty is Tooru. Then there’s a deep rumbling voice joining in, and all sounds stop abruptly. Kenma doesn’t want to know what’s happening out there, honestly. The door rattles, and then it swings open with a grand flourish, Tooru standing in its frame, a great sigh heaved from between pouted lips. Kenma braces himself at the sound of Tooru flitting up the steps, and then Tooru is flopped over his back, head pillowed next to his in Lev’s lap. Kenma elbows him wherever he can reach, but he doesn’t really put too much effort into it, knowing that all it’ll do is make Tooru whine longer.

 

And whine he does. This time (like many times before) it’s about how Koushi stole all his milkbread _again_ and Daichi had just told them both to keep the noise down instead of defending Tooru’s virtue - and his snacks. Kenma could still hear them outside the bus through the open door, Koushi’s melodic giggle twining around Daichi’s deeper chastising. Everyone knew that Tooru was nigh on useless without his favorite treat, refusing to listen and usually determined to cause some sort of commotion in protest, and Koushi’s favorite pastime seemed to be getting under Tooru’s skin at every possible moment.

 

Tooru whined and huffed, and Lev switched from carding his fingers through Kenma’s hair to Tooru’s in an attempt to soothe the ruffled feathers of their resident drama queen. Shouyou giggles at them from his place on the floor, and Kenma can feel Tooru’s pout against his cheek, along with the sound of a drawn out whine that promises to devolve quickly if none of them do anything to stop it. Kenma lowers his game and wiggles one arm out and down to reach under the seat of the couch. It doesn’t take long for him to find the crinkly plastic wrapping with his fingertips, and then he’s shoving the previously hidden pastry into Tooru’s face.

 

Both Lev and Tooru make a noise, and Kenma knows what they both mean without even asking. Lev’s noise is a ‘oh no, now we have to find a new hiding spot’ noise, because they all know that once Tooru knows about a spot he will look there all the time to find tasty hidden morsels. Tooru’s noise is a little more complicated. It’s a bit of surprise, a ‘I’ve just been smacked’ noise, and a bit pleased, knowing that somehow he’s gotten what he wants. There’s a touch of something there just for Kenma, too, a content warble that somehow seems to say ‘you know me so well’. Tooru doesn’t move much, though, just enough to be able to actually stuff the bread in his mouth, and when he’s done he nuzzles his face against Kenma’s shoulder blade.

 

The bus door opens again, and this time it’s Koushi bouncing in, announcing cheerily that it’s time to go start their warm ups. Tooru immediately launches himself off the couch and over Koushi’s shoulders, and Koushi lets out a little huff at the force of it.

 

“Koushi, did you know Kenma loves me? He _gave_ me milkbread instead of eating mine!” Tooru pouts against Koushi’s neck and Koushi grins wickedly as he nudges him off.

 

“Oh yeah?” And then Koushi gets very close to Tooru’s face and Kenma wrinkles his nose at what he knows is coming. “He doesn’t love you enough to do this though, does he?” And then they’re kissing, Tooru’s cheeks going red as he flushes.

 

Kenma grimaces. “No, I definitely do not love him that much.” Lev shakes under Kenma, overcome with giggles, and Kenma has to scoot back on the couch and off Lev’s lap before he ends up on the floor. “Come on, then. You know Daichi doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

 

Shouyou follows him as he gets up and heads for the door, various giggles still drifting in the air behind them as Koushi presses obnoxiously loud kisses against Tooru’s flushed, laughing face. They’re halfway between the bus and the building when Lev finally catches up to them, and Kenma can hear Koushi and Tooru following from further back. Daichi is waiting next to the side door into the building, trying to look serious. It’s ruined by the tiny upturn of the corner of his lips, which only gets bigger at the melodic giggles from his two boyfriends.

 

On the way to the practice room they pass Kuro and Hitoka, both their heads bent over a clipboard, and Tadashi, fiddling with something that Kenma thinks belongs to the lighting rig somewhere. Keiji is already stretching on the floor of the practice room when Daichi shoos them all in, and Kenma heads over and plops down next to him. They have some stretches that they have to do in pairs, and Keiji is one of the people Kenma likes to stretch with because he doesn’t push him more than necessary. It takes a bit for the others to settle, still riled up from goofing around, even with Daichi staring them down from the front of the room, but eventually they’re all stretched and ready to get to the rest of their warm ups.

 

By the time Daichi calls the rehearsal to an end they’re all more than warm, limber and ready to sing their hearts out. Daichi sticks his head out the door to call the others in, and they all gather in a circle while Tooru pulls his phone out of his pocket. This is a tradition, something that they’ve done at every performance, no matter how small, and Kenma thinks that they would likely refuse to go on without it. They all watch quietly while Tooru presses the first contact in his favorites list and puts the phone on speaker.

 

The voice that answers is tiny and excited, just like it is every time that they call her before a show. Tooru’s little sister is even more a ball of sunshine than Shouyou is, and that’s saying something. Tooru grins even though she can’t see him, and Kenma knows that her expression likely matches, especially with how similar they look. Hinata looks like he wants to jump in and start chatting with her, and Daichi gives him a silencing look so that Tooru can talk without interruption.

 

“Kiku! Are you ready?”

 

“Yep, Tooru-nii! Is everyone there?” Kiku sounds just as sweet and adorable as she always does, and Kenma can admit that he loves to hear from her every day. They all call out greetings so that she knows that everybody is ready, and then she leads their little pre-show good luck huddle.

 

Afterward they change into their first costumes and get on with the show. It’s all normal for the first couple of songs, the ones they sing to get themselves and the crowd into the vibe that they want, introducing themselves and playing up the bits of their personalities that the fans know them as. Their first solo song is Shouyou’s, where he finally gets to show off his exemplary break dancing skills. The rest of them stand in a sort of half circle to give him plenty of room and to allow the audience to see him, and usually chat at each other, or point out especially good moves.

 

Tooru is using the opportunity to whine to the audience about how mean Koushi is, though, telling them how Koushi’s always eating his milkbread on him, pouting exaggeratedly all the while. Kenma was watching Shouyou, at least until he noticed the back drop behind him wavering, which drew Kenma’s attention up and away. The pole that the backdrop was attached to was disconnected, falling rapidly from close to the ceiling, though something was still holding it from completely plummeting, and Shouyou was too busy performing to notice.

 

A few things happened in rapid succession. Shouyou came up out of a spin, still slightly off balance; whatever was still keeping the pole from falling snapped, allowing it to fall even faster; and Tooru started to yell, something that Kenma knew wasn’t part of his playing around. Before he even really processed it Kenma was in the middle of the stage, a rough shove to his boyfriend’s side to send him off out of the area of danger, and then an impact, hard on his skull that sent him to the floor. The last thing he saw was Shouyou caught in Tooru’s arms, and Tooru’s stricken, panicked face before the darkness overtook him, and his last flash of a thought was that he was glad Shouyou was safe.

 

~~~

 

Kenma wakes slowly, and he keeps his eyes closed for a moment while assesses the pounding in his head. It’s definitely painful, though a bit dulled, and he figures that means he’s had some sort of medication for it, though he doesn’t remember taking any. When he finally opens them, all he sees at first is an off white wall, bright under the fluorescent lights and sunlight coming in from the uncovered window. He turns his head to see someone in the chair next to the bed, elbows braced on their knees, forehead resting on their clasped hands, breathing quiet and steady.

 

He sits up carefully, nearly silent, and frowns as he recognizes the room as one in a hospital. There’s an iv in one of his arms, and he can hear a machine beeping quietly somewhere to the side and back, out of the way and unobtrusive. He glances back over at the man in the chair, quiet and still, and opens his mouth to say something. His throat is dry, though, and he winds up coughing harshly, which attracts the attention and assistance of the man sitting at his side.

 

“Kenma, here.” A glass of freshly poured water, complete with straw, was held in front of his face so he could easily drink. The water is still cold, and it’s probably the best thing Kenma’s had in ages. “How do you feel?”

 

He tilts his head slightly as he assesses. “Okay. A little painful.”

 

A nod. “That’s to be expected, with what happened. Luckily the doctors think you should be able to get back to rehearsals in a few days, maybe a week, depending on how you feel, of course.”

 

It seems like he’s going to go on, to tell Kenma what else the doctors have said, but Kenma has one nagging question first. “Who are you?”

 

“I…You don’t know who I am?” The man’s face is patient but confused, and Kenma tries to pull up anything about this person, comes up with nothing. He shakes his head in answer. “I’m Daichi. Uh, I’m one of your friends.”

 

“Oh.” He closes his eyes and tries to think, to figure out what the last thing he remembers is. He remembers telling his parents that he wouldn’t be going to college, that he was going to follow his dream of singing. Remembers visiting record labels, looking for anyone that might not look at his quiet nature as bad for a vocalist. Remembers standing outside of one of those buildings on a cold day, defeated and denied yet again, not looking forward to going home to be scolded by his parents again for being useless. Remembers chocolate brown hair in perfect waves coming into his field of vision, an offer that was tenuous but the best he’d gotten, a tiny hopeful chance to do what he’d been dreaming of. He opens his eyes quickly to look at Daichi. “Tooru. Is he here?”

 

Daichi pulls out a phone and taps at it a bit before he tucks it away again. “He’ll be here soon. You don’t remember what happened, for you to be in the hospital, right?”

 

Kenma shakes his head again. “No. I remember meeting Tooru for lunch a couple of weeks after we met, and then there’s nothing after that. Has it been long since then?”

 

A slow nod. “Yes, it’s been a while. Let me call the doctor, since you’ve finally woken up.”

 

The ‘finally’ is a little worrisome, like they’ve been waiting far too long and were starting to not expect it anymore, and it doesn’t take long at all for the doctor to arrive in a swish of white fabric and a surprisingly warm smile. She seems nice, and also relieved, and she does a quick check of Kenma before inquiring about what he can and can’t remember, before telling them both that it should be fine to talk about what he can’t remember, but to be careful. Since there’s not much really known about how amnesia works, they don’t know why he can’t remember, or what the reason is that his memory has stopped at that particular memory.

 

Daichi tells him how he’s finally achieved his dream, how he’s in an idol group that Tooru was determined to start, and how they’re currently on a tour, which they’ve temporarily postponed due to Kenma’s accident. He tells him how the accident happened, how Kenma had dived in to push his boyfriend, one of the other group members, out of the way of a faulty set piece, and how Shouyou was just fine, aside from being very worried. He explains that Kenma had gotten hit in the head, and how they were starting to get scared that he wasn’t going to wake up, even though it didn’t seem to be a particularly bad accident.

 

There’s a tiny little noise, and Daichi checks his phone, then walks over to the door to let someone in. It’s Tooru, and Kenma is filled with relief at seeing someone he knows, someone he remembers, even if he supposedly knows Daichi, too. Not being able to remember is hard, and Kenma knows that he’s not normally the most comfortable person around other people, but this is different. He knows that Daichi must be upset, or offended, or something, about how Kenma can’t remember him, even if it doesn’t seem like he is. Tooru doesn’t waste any time, just comes over and wraps Kenma in a sturdy hug, and while normally Kenma might try to shrug away, this time he enjoys it, clinging to the back of Tooru’s shirt and hiding his face in his chest.

 

He’s not sure he wants to let go, and Tooru must sense that, because he just settles onto the bed with Kenma still against his chest, easy and casual like they do it all the time, and Kenma is struck with the thought that they might, and he just doesn’t know about it any more. Kenma rests a little, eyes closed, Tooru’s hand drifting through his hair as Tooru and Daichi discuss what the doctor had said when she came in. He’d have to stay in the hospital a little longer, because they wanted to make sure that he wasn’t concussed, that there aren’t any other problems, besides the amnesia.

 

Kenma dozes off, listening to Tooru chatter about things that Kenma can’t make sense of right now, stuff about rearranging tour dates, and rehearsals, and about this one idea that he thinks Daichi should be able to implement in a dance. It’s nice, and soothing, with the attention not on him, and the sound of Tooru’s voice rumbling through his chest into Kenma’s ear, and for a moment before he falls asleep, Kenma is filled with pleasure that Tooru got his dream, too. That they did it together. And then he’s off, dreaming his way through what he can’t tell are dreams or memories, cradled protectively against Tooru.

 

~~~

 

The room is considerably darker the next time he opens his eyes, obviously much later in the day, although Tooru is still in the bed, now curled up next to him. Daichi isn’t there though, leaving the chair at Kenma’s bedside empty for the moment, aside from what looks to be a phone or game console, something small and electronic. There’s also a vase of flowers on the table next to the bed that wasn’t there before, bright yellow sunflowers that make Kenma’s brain itch, trying to remember something it can’t quite grasp. It doesn’t hurt, but there’s a twinge of something, and Kenma looks away, tries to stop thinking about it. He’ll remember eventually, he hopes.

 

If not, then if it’s important, he’ll learn it all again. He wonders briefly if he’ll remember any of the songs or dances that they’ve done, or if he’ll be holding them all back by having to relearn his place in everything. If he’ll even fit anymore in the spot that they’ve made for him, or if without his memories his edges don’t fit into the puzzle anymore. Tooru shifts next to him, reaches out to pat Kenma’s head, gently and lovingly, as if making sure he’s still there, still next to him, right where he belongs.

 

Kenma sighs and settles back down, resolves not to think too hard about anything, in case it makes it worse. He’ll cross those hurdles when he comes to them. For now the most important thing is to make sure he’s healthy in all the other ways that they can, and that includes resting, according to the doctor. So Kenma sighs a little, turns toward Tooru and presses his forehead to Tooru’s chest, listens to the rhythm of his breathing, the beating of his heart, a steady melody to drift him back to sleep, soothing and quiet in the best ways.

 

~~~

 

The next day, bright and early, likely as soon as visiting hours start, there’s a couple standing nervously at Kenma’s bedside. The height difference between them is almost enough to make Kenma laugh, and he probably would have, if they hadn’t looked quite so scared and relieved at the same time. Tooru smiles fondly at them from his place on the bed next to Kenma, at the way the taller one twists his fingers together nervously, the way that the other can’t seem to help vibrating in place, like it’s taking everything he has to stay remotely still.

 

Tooru wiggles his fingers at them as he speaks. “That’s Lev,” the tall one wretches his fingers apart to wave awkwardly, “And that’s Shouyou.” The other, if possible, vibrates even more in place, and chirps a hello. “They’re both part of our group, as well as-”

 

Lev pipes up then, talking right over whatever Tooru was trying to say with little grace. “Your boyfriends!”

 

Shouyou seems to lose the little control he has left, then, launching himself toward the bed, arms around Kenma’s neck before he can blink, Shouyou murmuring into Kenma’s hair how worried they were, how happy that are that he’s okay, that he’s awake. How Shouyou is lucky that Kenma is always looking out for him, how lucky they all are that Kenma sees things that the rest of them usually don’t. And how Kenma shouldn’t have put himself in danger for him, no matter what, because seeing him hurt was the worst moment of Shouyou’s life, especially since it was because of him.

 

It takes a few minutes, but eventually he pulls away again, eyes rimmed in red, cheeks flushed in what Kenma guesses is embarrassment. Lev looks like he wants to dive in next, but in a calmer way, like he can actually manage to restrain himself, and Kenma wonders how he fits in with these two, why they’d need him when they seem to match well the way they are. They spend a good amount of time together, though, joking around and telling little stories that Kenma can’t remember but wishes he could, until Tooru shoos them away to let the others come by in pairs so they can be reintroduced.

 

The day feels much longer than the one before, and Kenma is tired pretty early, though he still sees everyone who wants to visit since they’re all so worried about him. Daichi talks a little more about how they managed to postpone the tour dates until Kenma’s better, and Koushi tells Kenma how he already has a moderate pile of cards and things from fans that are wishing him well. The others all make efforts to talk about things that Kenma would be interested in as well, without really making a big deal about the fact that he’s lost his memory of them entirely.

 

~~~

 

The next day he’s released, and they bring Kenma back to the bus to relax for a bit before they get to a rehearsal, sure that the best thing for Kenma is to get back to a routine, even if he can’t remember what it used to be, exactly. He can’t help being nervous, unsure how much he’ll be disappointing them if (when) it turns out that he can’t do things the way he used to. He lies down in his bunk for a while, curtain shielding him from view, and pulls out a pair of headphones. His fears eat away at his stomach, at least until the first notes of one of their songs plays and Kenma realizes that he still knows all the words.

 

That’s reassuring, at least. Knowing that he’s not going to embarrass himself or disappoint the others is a huge relief, and it takes away a little of the uncertainty that’s created a home for itself in Kenma’s heart. Of course, there’s still the dancing to worry about, and the fact that Kenma has boyfriends that he’s not sure he deserves. But, he figures, one thing at a time. He listens through their songs on the rest of the drive back home, and it’s a little weird to hear himself like that, but it only helps him think that he’s glad that he followed his dreams.

 

Eventually, though, he has to come back out for their rehearsal, and while he knows that he should recognize the building that the bus is parked in front of, knows that he’s been here hundreds of times, it’s not familiar at all. Kenma smiles as he watches Lev and Shouyou race each other inside, Lev practically tripping over his own long legs, Shouyou faster than you’d think judging by his height. There’s a giggle from behind him, and Kenma looks over his shoulder to see Koushi laughing at their antics, hand in hand with both Daichi and Tooru.

 

When they finally get into the rehearsal room, Kenma stops just inside the door, not quite sure what he should be doing. Lev and Shouyou are already practically twined together in what Kenma thinks is supposed to be a stretch, and the rest of them are paired off across the floor, in less intricate positions. Keiji is the only one alone, and he tilts his head in a gesture for Kenma to join him in the corner. They go slower than the others, Kenma’s muscles not having gotten much exercise over the few days in the hospital, and by the time they’re done everyone else is chatting among themselves while they wait.

 

They get assembled for the first dance they’re going to practice with Kenma in his usual spot, because they think it will be easier for him to try to recall the moves from where he usually is. It’s a surprise to them all then, including Kenma, that he has exactly zero trouble remembering the choreography as well. He only falters when the rest of them stop in awe, tripping over his own feet at the sudden ceasing of movement from all sides. The rest of practice goes well, after everyone expresses their amazement and happiness that Kenma can still do those things easily.

 

It’s later, at the home that Kenma can’t remember, after everyone has showered and they’re all settling down to eat that Kenma feels uncertain again. Lev and Shouyou are squished onto one couch, nearly fused together, a bare spot next to them that Shouyou pats when he sees Kenma, an indication for him to join them. Shouyou’s smile is sunshine incarnate, and Kenma isn’t sure he deserves to bask in its presence. Neither of them seem to mind though, letting him sit quietly with them as they eat, and later, when it’s time for bed, they both give him a gentle hug and wander off to their room hand in hand.

 

It makes Kenma wonder a little, when he’s laying in his own bed staring up at the dark ceiling, how he fits in with them like that. He’s too quiet, too much of a loner to be a match to them, not interesting enough at all to have caught their attention, and especially to have kept it. He’s too cowardly to ask, though, too afraid to hear them reconsider and tell him that he’s right, they don’t need him after all. There’s a pit of dread that forms in the bottom of his stomach at that thought, even though he’s not quite sure right now what he’d be missing, he knows by the clench of his heart that he can’t live without them.

 

~~~

 

The next two weeks aren’t exactly hard, but they’re not easy, either. They rehearse most days, getting ready to continue the tour they put on hold because of Kenma’s accident, and with Kenma still remembering the lyrics and moves there’s not really much of an issue. It’s more Kenma’s personal life that’s difficult. It’s frustrating for him, when he can’t recall things like who prefers green tea and who prefers black, which one of them usually sleeps in the middle, and how they used to spend their time together between shows. And Shouyou and Lev fit together so well, that especially now, Kenma can’t quite figure out why they’d need him at all.

 

He wakes up the morning of their first show warm and content, having been wrapped in the arms of both Lev and Shouyou in their bed. They’d come to the realization that it was possible that Kenma may never completely regain his memories, and they all, including Kenma, needed to accept that, and the sooner the better. Kenma wasn’t quite making entire new memories to replace the old ones, but he was working on it, slowly and surely coming to terms with having to relearn things he used to know like the back of his hand.

 

Shouyou shuffled into the bathroom behind him, one hand clasped around the hem of Kenma’s favorite sleep shirt, one that quite obviously used to belong to Lev. Kenma is still sleepy, but Daichi was adamant about them all waking up in the morning since it was a show day and it wouldn’t do for any of them to wake up late and groggy. Kenma plops into a chair in the kitchen, waits there for Shouyou to return from fetching Lev from the bedroom, and tries to muster up the energy to get a mug of coffee.

 

He’s almost convinced himself to do it, closes his eyes in a bid to give himself the last bit of motivation he needs, when they both enter the kitchen noisily. Kenma slides his eyes open just a bit, and figures since they’re there he can ask one of them to get him coffee instead. He’s about to open his mouth when they both bend down to press a kiss to each of his cheeks. Kenma’s whole world shifts into acute clarity, as if there had been a wall in his mind that had suddenly disappeared, leaving him free to finally remember all the things he had forgotten in the accident.

 

He remembers that Shouyou is the one that likes black tea the best, and that Lev likes to be in the middle of them when sleeping for the night, and any number of things that they do for fun between shows. He remembers the others, too, writing the music together, learning the choreography the very first time. And he remembers the accident, the pure fear that had spiked through his heart, the panic on Tooru’s face, the look Shouyou had given him just before Kenma had passed out.

 

Kenma is very awake, now, and he stands quickly, cups Shouyou’s face in his hands and kisses him gently but fervently. Then he does the same to Lev, and it’s like their first kisses together all over again, only this time, this time Kenma knows what he could’ve been missing. This time he knows the love that has been between them, the love that always will be between them, keeping them together no matter what happens. Kenma can’t keep in the laugh that bubbles up in his chest, and it’s with great glee that he tells them his memories have returned.

 

And then he tells them he loves them, that he always has and always will, and that nothing can keep him from doing so.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](http://ryekamasaki.tumblr.com/).


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